A Secret Hope

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“…she never had what she wanted till she had given up hoping for it,” said Mrs. Meg.”
― Louisa May Alcott, Jo’s Boys

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There is this BOY and he has kind of stolen my heart.  He plays in the dirt, runs in his bare feet and jumps in puddles.  He climbs trees, lays in the grass and picks me dandelions.  He is a bug hunter, a dinosaur slayer, and a brave soldier.  But, the best thing of all is that he calls me “Mom.”

“Mom.”  It is one of the sweetest sounding words in all of language.

Through the years, I have longed for a son.  I faithfully prayed the prayer of Hannah from the book of 1 Samuel time and time again.  But, sadly, much of my desire for a son was fueled by the pain of loss.  When I was a young woman, I had a stillborn baby boy a couple of years after I had my daughter.  I mourned deeply over the loss of my son and never gave up hope that someday God would grant me the desire of my heart…that is, until I had a hysterectomy in 2012.  In some ways, based upon other circumstances, such as not having a husband to have a child with, it seemed unlikely that God would ever bless me with a son.

But, still, there was hope.

As long as I can remember, I have loved caring for children.  I started baby sitting when I was just a child of ten years old myself and I always liked taking care of little boys the best.  I suppose, in some ways, it was because I was a tomboy.  Although, I did like my Barbie dolls, I preferred being outside with the neighborhood boys.  I was always trying to run faster, jump higher or swim the farthest across the lake and I often did.  I remember one summer playing in my grandparent’s barn with the sons of my mother’s childhood friend.  We were climbing up into the rafters and jumping into a big pile of hay.  Let’s just say, there were several bruises and a sprained ankle and we all got whoopins.  But, I won!  

Throughout the years, I have cared for many children as a babysitter and full-time nanny.  I was employed as a teacher’s aide, a therapeutic foster care parent and offered respite.  I have been blessed to serve  in various children’s ministries, as the director and teacher of the Awana Cubbies, the Good News Club and as a vacation Bible school and Sunday school teacher.  But, even with all of these children in my life, of whom I have loved many as if they were my own, they were not my own.

Final-493 (2)A couple of months after my hysterectomy, I was on the phone with the MAN.  At that time we were just friends, a brother and sister in Christ.  God used him during that time as a comforter, always gently (and sometimes not so gently!) pointing me towards Christ in the midst of my sorrow.  As I was mourning my inability to ever have a child again, I shared the story of my stillborn baby boy with him.  I cried and said, “…and now I have lost my chance to ever have another son!”  I remember he gently, yet firmly rebuked me and said, “You do not know the plans that the Lord has for you.  If He wants you to have a son, you will have a son!”

The MAN was right.  Ssshhh!  Don’t tell him I said that!  

So, after courting me for two years, the MAN (who is the answer to my prayer for a husband like Boaz) and I were married last year and we finally shared our first kiss!  No.  You can’t see a picture.  But, don’t feel left out, our wedding guests didn’t see it, either.  The MAN modestly (and romantically) covered it with his hat.  And, the BOY, at long last, became my son!  He is the one that God had planned for me before the foundation of the world.  “”For this boy I prayed, and the LORD has given me my petition which I asked of Him.” 1 Samuel 1:27

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I would be remiss if I did not mention that the Lord did bless me with a beautiful daughter who is now a grown up woman with her own little girl.  I drew this picture a couple of years ago of her and I from an old photograph.  It was for an annual art auction at my church in Virginia used to help raise money for the Crisis Pregnancy Center of Tidewater.  I have been blessed that God has given me some special talents, and as much as possible, I attempt to use them to serve others.  I believe that beautiful art reflects God’s creation, there is a purpose and intricacy, just like the development of a child in the womb gives evidence of a beautifully complex and irreplaceable individual.

For this reason, it is our intention to adopt a child or children.  Specifically, we want to save a child from abortion, Lord willing.

Final-791 (2)The MAN and I believe that abortion is one of the vilest evils in this world. As Christians we should live our lives with a due sense of responsibility. We must do everything we can to overcome evil with good. We need to engage people and communicate a Biblical perspective on this issue. Deuteronomy 30:19 says, “…I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live.”   The MAN and I choose life and we pray that God will open other people’s eyes to see the beauty and value of life, too.

The MAN, the BOY and I are excited to see how the Lord will answer our prayers to add another little blessing to our home.  As we begin this process, we would covet your prayers, support and advice.

Love ya, MJ

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot!  I promised in my last post that if you came back I would tell you the names of my chickens. They are, in pecking order, Fried, Drumstick, Alfredo and Parmesan.  But, I will have to wait to tell you about them in my next post.

Be blessed, dear hearts.

9 responses »

  1. This is a beautiful testimony of faith and hope! Thank you for sharing. I too lost a son. I still born birth is such a great loss. But God used my pain and with that loss came three beautiful adoptions after giving birth to a son and daughter myself. Gods plan and timing is perfect! Thank you for sharing your heart and story…. Your MAN and BOY are blessed by you i am sure!

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  2. Good stuff, MJ. It’s always good to have hope, knowing that our hope is in The Lord. Hannah is an interesting study. Her hope was waning. Then, attempting to strike a bargain with God, her prayer became ” Allow me a little enjoyment, but I won’t take possession. I’ll give him back.” How hard must that have been to let go of the thing she’d so long desired. God bless you and yours.

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